For the first year after my daughter was born, it was just me and her… EVERYDAY! Baby talking, children’s program watching, ABC reading, Toys R Us visiting… By the end of the day I craved adult conversation. As my daughter got older, we continued to do everything together. I’d take her to daycare, pick her up after work, go home, and we would hang out together until bedtime. When my daughter was almost 6, we moved to NY. Fell right into a new schedule and off we went to school, piano, bowling, chorus and then home to start all over again. I totally enjoyed her company. I loved seeing her face light up when she learned something new, or her eyes get wide with excitement when she saw something for the first time. I was also very selective about who my daughter was around and what she would be learning in their atmosphere. So we had weekly trips to Barnes & Noble and Friday night girl’s night, watching movies and eating ice cream sundaes (homemade of course). I was so happy in those moments, spending time with my baby girl.
One day, my best friend and godmother to my daughter, asked if she could take her for the weekend. My friend and I were pregnant together and our daughters were born 6 months apart. I was reluctant at first because she had never been away from me like that before, but I did say yes. I packed my baby girl up on that Friday night and my friend came to pick her up. Kiss. Kiss. Mommy loves you. Have a good time. Behave yourself. See you on Sunday, and off they went. I turned around and went back in my apartment, took a seat on the couch and just sat there staring at the walls. Eventually I got up and went in my bedroom, sat on the bed and stared at those walls, at some point I laid across the bed and fell asleep. I had NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF! So I spent most of that weekend doing all the things that I would be doing if my daughter was there. I cleaned up, I washed clothes, I cooked for the week, but mostly I just sat looking at the walls or the TV not knowing what to really do with the free time that I had. My daughter came home Sunday afternoon and I was so happy, I had something to do again.
How many of you have experienced this? I have asked this question of other mothers over the years and far too often the stories are similar. We forget how to be “us” once we have children. It’s a learning process and something that we NEED to do to be better mothers, we just don’t realize it because we are so focused on our children and all the joys and responsibilities of our role. I was never a big makeup person but before I had my daughter, I wore contact lenses and put on a little makeup here and there. I would go shopping often, get my hair and nails done and hang out with the girls. Once I had my daughter, there was no time to put in contact lenses. No time for makeup, slathering some Vaseline on my face was my beauty regimen. “Made up” was clean clothes (not necessarily ironed), a snatched-back ponytail and my glasses. It was bad, I felt like I had no time to do anything especially as a first time, single mom. Taking time for yourself is important, it helps you to de-stress. With all the many hats you wear, you need a moment when it’s ok to let your hair down for a bit. If you give yourself a break and allow yourself some playtime, you will feel refreshed, rejuvenated and much happier. But what is there to do when all you’ve known is to take care of your children? It takes time to become fully comfortable with the whole ME time thing, at least it did for me, but here are some of the things I learned to do.
Have a beauty day… Hair and mani/pedi. If you know in advance that you will have some MomMe time make an appointment with your stylist. Then get those nails and feet done. If you are in the NYC area, Dashing Diva offers free cocktails on Thursdays and Fridays after 5pm. Sippin while your Primpin, doesn’t get any better than that http://www.dashingdiva.com.
Saturday plan a girls night out with some of your friends or go bowling, go to the movies, go to a club/lounge, go out to dinner. Have the girls over for drinks & game night.
On Sunday, go out to brunch with some of your friends or by yourself before your little darling comes home.
Some other things you can do would be to take a class or pick up a hobby, Knitting was my drug of choice and I still enjoy it today.
Go out on a date, with yourself or with a friend.
Go to a concert, a play, a museum, to the spa, meditate, go for a bike ride, plan a weekend getaway.
There are so many things to do, the main thing is to do something.
Chances are you don’t know you need time to yourself until you get it. I didn’t, but I’ll tell you one thing. The next time I knew that my daughter was going away for a weekend… I had plans!
Make time for you. You will thank yourself.
“Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your children.”
Here are some links with more suggestions on how to enjoy your free time:
http://www.ivillage.com/take-break-31-mommy-time-ideas-busy-moms/6-a-127723
http://www.sheknows.com/beauty-and-style/articles/1018861/host-a-girls-only-getaway
http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/821988/4-cheap-girls-night-ideas
http://glo.com/relationships/alone-time-10-great-ideas-for-spending-the-day-solo-9453.gallery
to be a Professor or a Motivational Speaker when I grow up. Tell me that by excelling in school I could one day be President of the United States, CEO of a major company or how I could own my own business. Tell me how proud you are of me and believe that I can be anything I want to be because I am smart. Just one little question, can you tell me when it’s just you and me and not a room full of people, it’s easier to believe that way?
, or own my own company, but I’ll only realize these dreams if you can realize them with me.
The Motivated Mom 